Dreamer
by Mfairchild
Summary: I can't do this. I can't keep missing you. You said you'd come back. I hear you all the time on the radio, but It's like I barely know you. Remember all the plans we made? We were supposed to go adventure in New York together, make memories. I'm still moving to New York, without you. This is the last letter I will write, so goodbye Jace Wayland, I'm done missing you. RE-EDITED.
1. Prologue: Done missing you

**Hey guys! For everyone reading this for the first time, yay! Please enjoy and tell me what you thought in the reviews! Feel free to Private Message me with ideas too!**

 **For those of you who have been waiting for this story to pick up again, I'm so so so sorry. I have no excuses, but I'm back and hopefully gonna finish this story. Please read from the beginning, as i have changed the story quite a bit and i'd like to think i've improved it. Hopefully some of the original readers will give me a second shot.**

 **Happy reading!**

 **-Casper (oh yeah, i changed that too.)**

Dear Jace,

I can't do this anymore. I can't wait for you. I'm so tired, I'm falling apart at the seams. I tried. I really did try for you. I waited, and waited, but you never can back. Where did you go? You promised it was only a few weeks. You said you'd keep in touch, but you didn't. I'm graduating next week and I can't wait anymore. When I realized you weren't coming back I wanted to die. Was it easy for you? to leave me? Without goodbye too. I cried for days. I called you, so did everybody else, but I guess were not worth your time. I wrote you letters, but they'll probably be tossed aside like this one. Why am I even trying? I don't even know you anymore, I hear you on the radio, but I don't know who that is. I'm leaving for college in three days, I'm skipping graduation because I cant stand not being able to graduate without you beside me. Pathetic, eh?

Remember all the plans we made? After grad we were supposed to get that perfect brick apartment in New York we'd always talked about, then we'd explore the city together and drink way more than we should. I remember. I'm not letting you completely ruin everything though. I'm still moving into a cozy apartment in NYC but with John and Simon. We got a lot closer after you left. Isabelle is staying in residence just outside the city. Alec and Magnus finally got together, if you wanted to know. They're going to London for a year to travel together and connect with Magnus's old friends. I'm happy for them, but I'm going to miss them too. They really helped me get back on my feet.

Did you ever go to school? I mean, I wouldn't know. I know I sound bitter, but really I think I'm finally okay again. You really ruined me Jace, but I'm okay now. This is my goodbye letter, I don't know if I'll send it. It's more for me than you. I'm done mourning the loss of my best friend. I'm moving on, taking on bigger things and meeting better people. This is the last letter I will write to you, so goodbye Jace Wayland, I'm done missing you.


	2. Chapter One: New York

**AN: Updated and edited Chapter One. If you've read the original story, please reread. I've changed it a lot. Read and Review :)**

 **-Casper**

Turns out, downtown New York in the summer is not the best climate for pale, redheads.

Clary, John and Simon had arrived in New York two days ago. By the end of the first day, Clary's skin was a deeper red than her hair, and that's saying something.

The three had spent their first two days unpacking and attempting to settle into their teeny tiny apartment. Clary and Simon would have lived comfortably in the shoe box, but Clarys big brother John, seemed to have brought to whole house in his suitcase.

"John!" Clary shouted in annoyance. Her brothers elephant like footsteps came thundering down the hall. His silvery head poking into her room a look of panic on his face.

"What's wrong?" His eyes darting towards all corners of the room looking for something that would explain his sisters shout.

"This! This is what's wrong!" Clary was holding up a beaten up old tennis racket that looked like it had seen better days. "Why, may I ask, did you bring your tennis racket from _seventh grade?!_ " She pointed the racket in an accusatory manner toward John.

"Why wouldn't I? It's a good racket." He snatched the object from Clary's hands passing it fondly between both hands.

"Why on earth would a marketing major need a tennis racket John? We can barely fit our clothes in these tiny closets, we don't to take up space with your junk!" She threw her hands up in the air exasperated with her brother.

"It's not junk. It's sentimental Clare. It's not like I'm asking you why you need so many bloody sketchbooks." He left the room, racket in hand.

"It's art!" Clary collapsed on her bed, reminding herself murder was illegal.

Clary hadn't intended to be moving in with two boys, who both happened to be massive hoarders. Simon, she could handle, there were worse things than an obnoxiously large comic book collection. Her brother on the other hand, as much as she loved him, was dreadfully irritating. Her parents had insisted he join Simon and Clary on their move to the big city, stating they "might need help from someone older." Clary knew what they really meant, if John didn't leave with Simon and her, he probably wouldn't leave their small hometown at all.

John was smart and quick witted but horribly lazy. So Clary, being the good sister and daughter she was, let John tag along on her big adventure hoping he might find himself too.

Despite her brothers antics, nothing could ruin her mood, NYC was everything she dreamed of. She and Simon went to tour her campus yesterday and Clary had never been more excited to start school.

She had been dreaming of going to NYC since she turned 12. She was suppose to go with Jace... but you can't always get what you want.

Isabelle would be arriving in a few days and Clary couldn't wait! She was desperate to have another girl around. Even if that meant Isabelle making Clary her own personal barbie doll.

Clary had started the morning off early, wondering the big city streets around her apartment. She had already found a small coffee shop only a two minute walk away from home that was a replica of their old hang out "Java Jones" It was small and cozy, with mix matched chairs and couches, bad poetry, and a distinct smell of coffee and vintage books. The waiter, Matthew was cute too. Maybe a few years older than her, possibly 23? He had dark hair pulled back in a bun (Which was totally weird where she was from, but apparently in New York this was perfectly normal?) soft green eyes, and a shy smile. He had asked Clary for her number when she had stumbled in that morning. Feeling brave, she gave him a flirty smile and typed her number into his phone. What a morning. She had wondered into different shops and bookstores, and felt herself feeling very at home. Maybe New York was her forever.

Clary spent the whole day exploring with Simon and John, they found a millions different places to add to their list of future adventures. A grimy looking club named "pandemonium" had stood out to John, who insisted they go there some night before classes started. Clary wasn't keen on clubbing, but it was a new chapter, she should take a few risks she thought.

By the end of day three they finally collapsed into their now completely unpacked apartment around nine. Feet aching from roaming the city streets. Clary was beyond tired when she got to her room. She curled up into her fresh sheets and smiled to herself. This was it. She was happy.

 _ ****Next morning****_

Clary's tired eyes fluttered open when the light coming through her thin curtains shone on her now less burnt face.

"Clary!" Simon sing songed through her door. He popped his head in a lopsided grin gracing his features, his glasses slightly askew. His very messy bed head making her smile despite the fact he had just interrupted her very peaceful moment to herself.

"Morning sunshine" he grinned, flopping down on the bed beside her. Clary, as Simon knew was not a morning person, but on this particular sunny morning she decided maybe she'd give it a try.

"Morning Lewis" she smiled back, slightly groggy. She rubbed her eyes, and turned to him. "What time is it?"

"Around ten I think, oh hold on I'll check." He snatched Clarys phone from the bedside table and turned it on. A little green message bubble lit up the screen.

"Who's Matthew Fray?" Clary shot up and snatched the phone out of Simon's grasp looking at the text herself, " _ **You free today?"**_ it read. Followed with many cute emojis that made her smile.

Simon rolled his eyes. "Clare, you've got this really creepy smile on your face and it's kind of freaking me out. I'm gonna leave you to whatever it is you're doing but hurry up, there's coffee in the kitchen" That caught Clarys attention.

"What kind?"

"Black-like your soul" he grinned, walking away from her.

"You know me so well" she rolled her eyes and followed him out into the kitchen. The strong smell of coffee invaded her senses, she felt ten times more awake.

"Ah- shortcake is awake" John smiled at her. She rolled her eyes and stole his mug and wrapped her fingers around it loving the warmth.

"I could write a list of reasons living with my brother is torturous-"

"Hey!" John yell, holding his hands over his heart in mock hurt.

"But- at the moment, the free coffee is making me appreciate you a whole lot more, keep it up John." She closed her eyes and sighed, the way girls do when they drink something hot. Why Exactly they do, she did not know. Simon sat beside her at the tiny, circular kitchen table.

"You didn't answer me Fray. Who's this Matthew guy?" Simon smirked, knowing John was sure to be curious now. Clary blushed and avoided eye contact with her overprotective older brother.

"Just a guy I met. It's nothing really." She rinsed her mug out in the sink and turned to the two nosey boys.

"He wants to take Clary out John." Said Simon, egging John on.

"She should go." Came John's uninterested reply, while he typed away on his laptop. Probably telling Izzy he missed her and she should come to NYC early.

"Um are you feeling alright John?"

"Clary, you've been hiding yourself in your room since ja-He left. I think I'd be good for you to get out there. Just don't do anything stupid." John said very matter of fact. Clarys smile faltered hearing his name. Reminding herself of that awful year.

"You know what? I will. New city, new me." She said walking back to her room. Simon seemed less enthusiastic now and sat back on the couch, flipping through the channels.

Clary skipped back into her room, a grin on her face. Lying on her bed she grabbed her laptop and quickly typed in her login.

 _"Ok,_

 _I'm finally a collage girl! Whoopee! I toured my campus yesterday and it's gorgeous! And so are the guys ;) And my peers are pretty great too. Classes are starting in a few days but don't worry loyal listeners, I will keep up on updates and new music coming at you soon! See ya soon!_

 _Xoxo,_

 _Fair."_

Okay, so we're going to let you in on a little secret. Clary sang. A lot. Clary had started a small cover channel on YouTube under the name "Fair" in tenth grade. She had been moping around for months and her mom finally told her to pick up a hobby to keep her mind occupied. She started the channel just hoping to get her mom off her back and uploaded one video just to see what could happen. She never showed her face of her hair, it would be a dead give away. So she recorded her videos from the lips down, or on angles that only showed her silhouette, and it worked. Her everyday life stayed perfectly normal, yet she had millions of people waiting to watch her latest video every thursday night. Late into eleventh grade, Clary gained major success! She had over 6.3 million subscribers and the numbers kept growing! Of course no one knew it was her behind the screen, not even Simon or John. She was lucky none of her close friends had stumbled across Fair yet, she hoped it would stay that way. She made good money too, but that's not what it was about. She just loved it.

Shutting her Mac, she walked to her closet. She texted Matthew back.

" _ **What do you have in mind?"**_ she said. His reply came quickly.

" _ **A walk in central park, maybe? Give you the real New York experience."**_ He said.

" _ **Sounds great. When?"**_ She asked.

" _ **Meet me at Java at one?"**_

" _ **See you then :)"**_

What does one wear on a date in central park with a cute barista? Clary slipped into a simple white, cropped halter top. She paired it with flowy navy shorts. She slipped into tan, lace up ballerina flats and let her red curls cascade down her back. She looked cute, the thought, summery. Grabbing her phone and a small, tan, cross body purse she headed out the door.

 _ ****time lapse****_

Clary walked into Java Jones at precisely one o'clock. Matthew was behind the coffee bar, slipping off his apron. He noticed Clary and smiled. He told the other barista he was leaving and walked up to Clary.

"Clary! I'm so glad you came." he led her out the coffee shop and toward central park. They walked down the busy city streets, side by side. They happily chatted with each other, and in Clary's mind it was going quite well. Being with Matthew felt easy. He was kind, and funny. He seemed genuinely interested in what she had to say, it was nice. When they finally got to the park they sat under a tree and enjoyed the ice cream Matthew had insisted she try. "It's the best in the city," he had told her.

"So let me get this straight, you've never been to central Park?" He smiled to her.

"Matthew, I've lived here for less than a week." She laughed and enjoyed her chocolate cone. It really was quite good.

"Right, right. And call me Matt."

Around three o'clock Clary found herself still sitting under the same tree, laughing and smiling and feeling better than she had in a long time. Matt glanced at his watch.

"Crap, I was supposed to be back at Java an hour ago." He stood up and held his hands out for Clary, pulling herself up with him.

"Oh I'm sorry Matt."

"Don't worry about it, I'm sure Jenn covered for me. What can I say? Time flies with you ." He gave her a cheeky smile. Clary felt her cheeks warm.

"This is really rude of me to leave you here, do you think you'll find your way back on your own?" He asked, his brows furrowed in concern.

"Actually, I might just stay awhile. I've got my sketchpad with me, and it's perfect scenery for drawing." She told him.

"Ah, an Artist? You'll have to show me you work this weekend."

"This weekend?"

"Our next date." He gave her a cheeky kiss on the cheek and a quick wink. "Until next time Clary." He gave her a wave and jogged off towards Java Jones.

Clary touched her cheek and smiled. It was so nice to feel cared for again. Sure Simon, John, Isabelle and all the others loved her, but it was different. She felt wanted again. Confident. She hadn't felt like that in a long time. She settled under the tree again and pulled out her sketch pad.

She thought about her favourite memory. Her 16th birthday. It was such a good weekend. Jace had surprised her with a camping trip. Most 16 year old girls wouldn't be to excited about a weekend roughing it in the woods, but Clary was. Her and all of her best friends packed up Alecs truck and spent the weekend laughing and singing and swimming. She had been so happy. She sketched until her hands ached. She looked down at her paper a great deal later and smiled in sad remembrance. The drawing was of Clary, Isabelle, Alec, Magnus, Simon, John and...Jace… sitting around the campfire. Giant goofy smiles on their faces. She wanted so badly for everything to be like that again. When they were all happy and no one had left. The drawing was heart breakingly realistic it could have been mistaken for a photograph.

Jace… Every Time she thought she had moved on, gotten past it, the aching realization that she would never quite be over him came crashing down. Her best friend had left more than 3 years ago, and she still missed him and felt the back stabbing betrayal as if it was just yesterday he was banging on her door asking her to go to the park for a game of soccer. She had changed since then. She was 19 now. Yet, she still felt like the 16 year old girl sobbing into her brother's shoulder. Clary was sick and tired of always being left behind. It was time to start over, time to finally forget. She tore the paper out of her book and left it on the ground, leaving it behind.

Leaving him behind.

 **Reviews**

 **-Casper**


	3. Chapter Two: Discovery

**Hey guys! So glad some of you liked the updated chapters! As always, feel free to give me ideas and input!**

 **Alesia J89** **: Thank you! Guess you'll just have to read this chapter and find out ;)**

 **deathXbeforeXdisco:** **Thanks so much! I will!**

 **Page 1 Of 365:** **Thank you! It's so good to be back!**

 **Herondale-potter-jackson:** **First of all, you've got a kickass user name and thanks!**

 **Happy Reading!**

 **-Casper**

Chapter Two: Discovery

He pulled his Mac onto his lap and filled through hundreds of pointless emails, tour info, and marketing ideas. Same old thing. Everything for tour was falling perfectly into place. The venus booked, the fans anxiously waiting, setlist ready, and the band ready to hit the road. Everything was perfect… but one thing.

The opening act.

Less than two months until they packed up the plane and took off and he was still missing the opening act. He didn't want someone predictable, someone easy. He wanted someone fresh, with a new original sound. Someone who could thrill the crowd and hype them up for the main event. His target audience was teens, mostly girls if we're being honest here. The problem was, he couldn't find anyone. He had spent hours looking at different bands websites and listening to countless covers of "original" versions of popular indie songs. It was all the same. He groaned in frustration and ran his hands threw his hair. He picked up his phone and called his friend Jordan, for some advice.

"Hey bud! What's up?" Jordans overly enthusiastic voice rang.

"I've got a problem." Came his gruff reply.

"Ah come on man, tell me you're not still looking for the opening act. You've been complaining about it for weeks."

"It's harder than it seems jordan! Everyone sounds the same! I can't watch another crappy cover from some ance covered kid, ruining the guitar and making my ears bleed." He groaned.

"Okay, maybe a little over dramatic? Let me ask Maia." He could hear Jordan call his girlfriend to the phone.

"Still looking for the opener?" Came Maias sympathetic voice.

"Yes...Ideas?"

"Um.. let me think.. Oh! I Know! I've been listening to this girl online for weeks. I know she's pretty popular and she's got a great voice. Oh, and she just started uni so she must be old enough to tour." He could hear Maia typing away on her computer, searching for the girl in question.

"Okay I found it, her name is Fair."

"That's it? just Fair? She already sounds ridiculous." He sighed, reluctantly typing her name into YouTube.

"Give it a shot, shes good. She's also a bit of a mystery, she always remains completely anonymous. It's kinda cool, i think." Maia further explained the mystery that was Fair, peaking his interest. Soon enough, he and Maia said their goodbyes and he clicked on the first video.

It looked as if a white sheet had been hung up and "Fair" was sitting behind it, showing the silhouette of her profile and her mic. The intro to Paloma Faith's "Taste my own tears" Started.

Maia was right, she was good. She had this retro jazzy thing going on, and a killer voice. Jazzy soul wasn't exactly what they were looking for though. He clicked on the next video and listened to the silhouette belt out "Death of a Bachelor" by Panic! At the disco. That was more of what he had in mind. Add some drums, electric guitars and fireworks and boom! Perfection.

He picked up the phone and texted Jordan.

" **Tell Maia I said thanks for the advice. I think I've found our opener."**

Back at Clary's apartment

It was nearing eleven PM and Clary was still glowing from her date with Matthew, She was as giggly as a 15 year old after her first kiss. She has felt so confident she had even uploaded a new video. She had been playing with the idea of cover some Panic! Songs but before the task has seemed too intimidating. Not now though, She had belted out her favourite song from behind the safety of her sheet and posted it less than an hour later. Of course, John and Simon had not been home.

Now Clary was lounging on the couch in her grey sweatpants and her two sizes too big Arkells band shirt, her laptop resting on her lap. She was reading through some of the comments on her video, smiling at the positive responses. Lots of young girls calling her their role model, their inspiration. Lots of people asking her to reveal her true identity. Boys too commented on how much they loved her voice and how they couldn't wait to hear more. One comment in particular stood out.

" _ **Hello Fair,**_

 _ **I would have tried to contact you properly but you make it incredibly difficult to do so. I do hope you see this comment and please contact me at your earliest convenience. I would like to discuss a possible opportunity with you. Please reach out to me.**_

 _ **, Big Machine Records."**_

Needless to say, Clary was in a bit of shock. It was very likely this was a joke. Still, she was curious.

She typed the name into google quickly. " _Holy shit"_ she thought. There really was a who worked for Big Machine Records. She was still cautious that this might be some kind of prank but.. What if it wasn't?

What if there was a anxiously waiting for her reply. She searched around a little more until she found his email address. Clary paused. An opportunity? She had worked so hard at continuing to be anonymous, did he expect her to reveal herself? Throwing caution to the wind she typed up a short email, making sure it was under her Fair email address.

" _ **Hello ,**_

 _ **A comment was left under one of my videos, asking that I contact you. Just confirming, it was actually you?**_

 _ **Fair"**_

She sent the email and bit her lip in anticipation. Believe it or not Clary had never really considered singing as anything more than a hobby that she loved and also brought in a little money on the side. Her mind wandered to all the possibilities of this "opportunity" as had put it.

"Honey I'm home!" Came Johns slightly tipsy voice fromt the door. Looking over her shoulder she hopped to her feet when she saw Simon struggling to carry John's much larger body inside.

"Simon! What happened to him?" She threw her older brothers arm around her neck and attempted to lie him down on the couch.

"This idiot thought he could out drink NYU seniors. He can barely remember his name." Simon sighed, annoyed with John's antics.

"John? What were you thinking?" She picked her Mac up off the coffee table, sure to hide the email from her two nosey roommates.

"Well little sister, I was thinking about how much I like whisky… and winning" John laughed at himself for quite some while, Simon and Clary trying to suppress their own giggles. Clary locked eyes with Simon, and all the moving stress and tiredness made them collapse into fits of laughter. When they had finally calmed down, John had promptly fallen asleep, and Clary and Simon fell into an awkward silence.

"What are we doing Simon?"

"I think we're sitting on the floor Clary."

"You know that's not what I meant. I mean, what are we doing here, in New York?"

"John is getting a marketing degree, you're going to study art, and I'm gonna go into Tech." He said like it was obvious.

"Yes, yes I know that… I don't think I want to study art anymore." She whispered.

"What? Did something happen Clary? You've been dying to study art at NYU since we were 12. It's your dream." He looked at her with a mixture of annoyance and concern.

"I think I want to study music instead."

"Music? Clary, I love you, but drawing is what you're good at." He stood up and started to walk towards his bedroom. Clary followed closely behind him.

"Yeah I know Simon, but isn't this city meant for taking chances?"

"Clary, we all have our thing. John is creative, you are artistic, I'm a computer geek. If you stray from your lane, you just get knocked to the side. Stick to what you know." He close to door to his room, separating them.

Clary solemnly walked back to her Computer, turning it on and looking at her emails

 _ **ONE MESSAGE-**_

"It's probably not even him anyways."

And with that she hit delete.

 **It's a tad short, and kind of a filler but what do you think? Did Clary make a mistake? Is who we think? And wtf is wrong with Simon?**

 **-Casper**


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